- “I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?”
- “Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up.”
- “So what's your plan? You take the big dark one, I'll take the little girl, and the Aussie will run like a scared wombat if things get tough.”
- [Houses' patient has just collapsed] "This is exactly why I created nurses. Clean up on aisle three!”
- "It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what."
- "You talk to God, you're religious; God talks to you, you're psychotic."
- "Treating illness is why we became doctors. Treating patients is actually what makes most doctors miserable."
- "Truth begins in lies"
- "Humanity is overrated"
- "Reality is almost always wrong"
- "It's one of the great tragedies of life — something always changes."
- "I was never that great at math, but next to nothing is higher than nothing, right?"
- "There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is - in fact - a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."
- (to Foreman) "So your solution is to give me drugs?"
- "That's exactly why you aren't allowed to touch my markers"
- "This is the only me you get"
- "Candy CANES?? Are you mocking me?"
- I wash before and after.(While walking to the urinal with Cuddy in the bathroom, just after washing his hands.)
- "(knocks on Wilson's door and he doesn't answer) I know you're in there! I can hear you *caring*."
- "I cleverly have no personal life."
